Its never too late to be what you might have been

Today was one of those days where i woke up and i was overcome with a feeling of excitement.  I have those days sometimes for whatever reason...i'm not complaining...its better than waking up and feeling down!  I literally feel like i am short of breath and feel like i have a lot of anticipation inside of me like something big is about to happen....something good not bad.  So the rest of the day i try and work out why i'm feeling so excited...especially when my diagnosis is still something that i feel like i think about most of the day.  So here is why i think i was feeling so excited today:

1. Perhaps my energy levels are already lifting 3 days out from my last radiation.  You kind of get used to feeling fatigued all the time and convince yourself that its normal especially when you have been feeling so fatigued and not yourself for so long.  Now that i am already starting to feel a bit better after such a short time excites me!;
2. I am feeling so inspired by 'meeting' all these other cancer survivors on the internet (by looking at their blogs and their websites) and seeing what they have done to turn their cancer experience into a positive.  I guess i'm starting to realise that there REALLY is life after cancer.  People tell you that but you don't really believe it until you start to feel a bit more normal again.  I have been feeling pretty average since March this year...thats a long time to not feel yourself; 
3. From all the reading that i'm doing on the internet i am getting so many ideas about what i'd like to do in the future.  I have always gone through life not really knowing what i'm interested in or passionate about but now i think i know what i want to do with my life.  Its just unfortunate that i had to have Cancer to find out.  As i was driving in the car today i thought to myself...in 5 years time how would i like someone to introduce me if they were writing an article on me in a magazine...I think i would like them to to introduce me like this "Samantha Ward-Martin is 39 years old, living in New Zealand with her husband and two children.  She is a health enthusiast, cancer survivor and Personal Trainer.  She owns her own juice bar and enjoys playing the guitar" (yes that is on my bucket list to learn before i kick the bucket!).  I might expand on that description over the years :-)
4. There is so much information out there on yummie meals to prepare that are vegan!  When i first decided to cut meat and dairy out of my diet i felt like i was going to live the rest of my life on carrot sticks but upon further investigation i have discovered that there is actually heaps of recipes out there that look great!  Tonight i cooked a 'vegan mac cheese' for the family and they all loved it!  Not a scrap left on their plates!  Little did they know that i made the 'cheese sauce' with soy milk and brewers yeast!  So i intend to slowly change my diet and get used to cooking meals that are predominantly using raw living food and no GMO foods.  Everything that i put into my body should benefit it...there is no place for junk food in my system!
5. I also think that i am starting to like myself more!  I know that this is going to be an ongoing 'project' and something that i'll have to work on for the rest of my life, but since i've been saying to myself in the mirror each morning 'I love you Sam' and whilst i walk down the street and sometimes perhaps feel a bit self conscious i immediately say to myself 'i love and accept you Sam' and it works wonders!  You may laugh but don't laugh until you try it!

I think that is about enough to be excited about at the moment! :-)

Another quote that i have written on the bathroom mirror has been 'everything is exactly as it should be'.  I find great comfort in that quote or positive affirmation...whatever you'd like to call it.  I'm a big worrier and of course being diagnosed with Cancer has only exasperated my worry.  I also wonder about the what ifs and whys of life.  But if i convince myself that everything is exactly how it should be i feel a sense of calm come over me.  I can think of a few periods in my life where i desperately wanted something that i couldn't have or something happened that i didn't want to happen...but when i look back i think 'just aswell i didn't get 'that' or just as well that did happen!'..so i do truly believe that where we are at right now in our lives is supposed to be....we all just need some convincing from time to time.

I also went for my first yoga class today which i was excited about.  I think yoga and pilates is going to play a big role in my on going good health and will be a mental and spiritual healer too.  I enjoyed my first class and look forward to the next.

Another thought i have been mulling over is 'change your thoughts and you'll change your world'.  I think if we all make a conserted effort to change the way we think we will all be much better off mentally and spiritually.  If you actually pay attention to your thoughts during the day a lot of them can be very negative which is damaging to yourself.  If you make a point of thinking only good things then good things will happen to you...most of the time :-)